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MLS Narrative Power Rankings, 2/16: Shipp Happens

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*single thug tear*

Mike DiNovo-USA TODAY Sports

1. Shipp Happens

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In a move worthy of how they've treated their fans over the past several years, the Chicago Fire dealt Harrison Shipp to Montreal for what is rumored to be a relative pittance. As could probably be expected, Fire supporters are less than pleased.

Look, all romance aside, maybe this was a necessary move for the Fire's new coaching staff. Maybe Harry wasn't quick enough, or had the legs to do what they wanted him to do. But two things are certain: for one, Shipp was the best part of a very, very bad team the last couple years (while playing out of position the vast majority of the time, passed over in favor of players not as good as him that rhyme with Laun Bologna), and another, that the Fire will surely be seeing a shake-up if this year doesn't go well after the goodbye letter Shipp penned to his native Chicago. Sometimes everything sucks.

2. China China China

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No, not that guy. This guy. The great Chinese invasion finally reached MLS shores as rumors abound that Obafemi Martins will be joining the Chinese Super League. Nothing is confirmed yet (and that is what keeps this bit of news from the top spot), but it appears the Nigerian will be leaving Seattle and head way, way East. And while the Seattle Sounders have plenty of forward options, none of them have the combination of speed, skill, vision, and finishing ability that made Martins one of the best strikers in the league over the past few seasons. The Jordan Morris era might need to begin more quickly than anyone in the Northwest was planning on.

3. The First Rule of Preseason Is You Do Not Talk About Preseason

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That seems to be the mantra when you look at the results put together by teams getting back into form, college kids earning contracts, and second teamers looking to impress coaches, but the Timbers and RSL took the fight club thing a little bit too far in Arizona. I'll let Kei Kamara give the you the details on this one:

4. Arsenaling All the Way

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Reigning fourth-place champions of the World Arsenal will be hopping the pond to take on the MLS All-Stars at Avaya Stadium this summer. While Arsene & Sons usually don't take quite such long, layovered preseason trips like other big clubs, MLS coaxed them all the way to San Jose (presumably with bright sun and possible Steph Curry photo-ops). The All-Star Game is a bit silly at this point in my humble opinion, and any conclusions drawn from such a game really don't mean anything, but at least we'll get to see Alexis Sanchez's gloriously tanned thighs in action.

5. Kits All Around

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The kit release season kicked into hyperdrive last week in MLS. Some of them were very, very good, while others were very, very bad. We'll let you be the judge of these, but my solemn advice to all Adidas designers: if the color scheme of a city flag sucks, maybe don't use it. Looking at you, Ohio.

Honorable Mention: The Revs Just Sneakily Made a Great Signing

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