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MLS Narrative Power Rankings, 3/1: The Last One

Once more into the breach!

Philipp Schmidli/Getty Images

1. President Gianni

Last Week: N/A

Movement: N/A

It's MLS news because it's soccer news. FIFA elected a new president, Gianni Infantino, and also voted on a package of reforms in an effort to clean up its image and put the emphasis back on football and the fans, where it belongs.

Ok, I don't really believe that, and you're reading a fairly obscure blog about an as-of-yet non-existent MLS team, so I assume you don't really believe that, either, but at least it's something. FIFA still remains something of a law unto itself, and the jury is quite literally still out on if U.S. and Swiss authorities can make any of the charges against FIFA officials for corruption stick. In the meantime, Sepp Blatter is still banned from soccer, and at least the guy who promised he would stall reform measures didn't win even when everyone thought he would. Hope springs eternal.

2. Got 99 Problems and CCL Is Like 37 of Them

Last Week: N/A

Movement: N/A

CCL play continues tonight, and well, it hasn't gone very well for MLS teams. Seattle Sounders were the only team that managed to score any goals (including this Clint Dempsey free kick. Watch it. I'll wait), but also gave up two away goals to Club America. LA Galaxy managed to keep Santos Laguna off the scoreboard in Carson, but couldn't find net themselves, and DC United and Real Salt Lake both find themselves down 2-0 to Queretaro and Tigres, respectively. To put it succinctly, things are looking bleak.

3. Howard for Real?

Last Week: 3

Movement: 0

After endless speculation, this one actually looks like it may get some legs and walk. Tim Howard may very well be a Rapid come this summer, for a price much less than the reported $20 million contract previously rumored. In unrelated news, Zach MacMath just joined Benny Feilhaber's blood cult.

4. MLSing Like a Champ

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Movement: N/A

This is legitimately incredible. The San Jose Earthquakes had Targeted Allocation Money and an International Player Slot that they were not using. The Colorado Rapids had General Allocation Money that they were not using. So these respective FOs got together, over what I assume was a friendly game of Parcheesi, and said "What the hey?" Bada bing, we've got ourselves a no-player trade. I still don't know what exactly is the difference between GAM and TAM is. In fact, that whole nomenclature seems pretty rote. If you have General Allocation Money, wouldn't that encompass all of the allocation money? Wouldn't Targeted Allocation Money just be a specific subset of General Allocation Money. Does Targeted Allocation Money equal General Allocation Money? WILL IT NEVER END?

5. Officially Official

Last Week: N/A

Movement: N/A

Obafemi Martins is definitely playing for Shanghai Shenua next season, as the Sounder officially announced his transfer. Fare thee well, purveyor of back flips. You scored many awesome goals here, and for that, we salute you.

And with that, I hereby give the MLS season my blessing to commence. Namaste.