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Friday Free Kick: 10 soccer players and the rappers they remind us of

If Cristiano Ronaldo is Kanye West then that makes Lionel Messi...

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Hip-hop and soccer are two of my favorite things on the face of the earth. I also like comparing things. So, why not compare those two things in one article? Well, I have a blog now and I can write whatever I want. Here are 10 soccer players and the rappers they remind us of:

Cristiano Ronaldo is Kanye West

Cristiano Ronaldo

  • Is hated by the majority of soccer fans because of his attitude
  • Is one of the best soccer players of his generation
  • Continuously does selfish and stupid things to make people hate him more
  • Has a small but loyal group of fans that love him no matter what
  • Consistently does amazing things on the soccer field that nobody else can
Kanye West
  • Is hated by the majority of humanity because of his attitude and personality
  • Is arguably the greatest musical artist of his generation
  • Constantly makes an ass of himself in public to make people hate him more
  • Has an extremely loyal following that ignores his ridiculous antics and loves him (Hi.)
  • Consistently makes brilliant music that is unique to anything anyone else in the world does

Lionel Messi is Kendrick Lamar

Lionel Messi

  • Is 28 years old
  • Is universally loved
  • Is considered by most to be the best soccer player in the world
  • Does things on the soccer field that leaves everyone speechless
  • Has won almost every trophy imaginable including 5 Ballon d'Or's (save for internationally)
  • Could possibly be the greatest soccer player the world has ever seen
Kendrick Lamar
  • Is 28 years old
  • Is loved by all hip-hop fans and has very few haters
  • Is considered by most to be the best rapper in the world
  • Writes lyrics that are so mind-boggling that may consider it poetry
  • Has won 39 major awards including 7 Grammys
  • Could possibly go down as the greatest lyricist ever

Fernando Torres is 50 Cent

Fernando Torres

  • Had an amazing three-year run as the best striker in the world with Liverpool
  • Scored some of the most amazing goals you'll ever see
  • Declined fast after picking up a knee injury
  • Became a running internet meme for his horrific misses
  • Still pops up every now and then to score a goal to remind you he still exists
50 Cent
  • Was one of the most beloved rappers in the game after his first two album releases
  • Had six Top 5 hits between 2003-2005 including three #1 hits
  • Fell off after his second album and G-Unit broke up
  • Became the punchline to jokes and had to file for bankruptcy
  • Occasionally drops new music to remind you he's still alive

Neymar is Future


  • Represents the new school of soccer players
  • Is misunderstood by traditionalists for his flashy moves
  • Could one day become the best soccer player in the world
  • Has amazing skill moves that others try to copy
  • Represents the new school of hip-hop
  • Is misunderstood by old school hip-hop heads who don't get his appeal
  • Could take over as the best one day
  • Has many imitators that try to rip his sound

Andrea Pirlo is Dr. Dre

Andrea Pirlo

  • Is known for his amazing passing that sets up goals
  • Is a legend of soccer
  • Lives off his reputation instead of his production on the field
Dr. Dre
  • Is known for being one of the best music producers ever
  • Is a hip-hop legend
  • Hasn't done anything worth talking about in 10 years (I'm still waiting for Detox)

Zlatan Ibrahimovic is Eminem

Zlatan Ibrahimovic

  • Grew up poor in Malmo, Sweden
  • Worked his way up to becoming one of the best players in the world
  • Was one of the most electrifying attacking talents in his prime, scoring goals no one had ever seen before
  • Is known for his hilarious and self-centered antics that just make his fans love him more
  • Is past his prime but still scores goals consistently for PSG
  • Grew up poor in Detroit, Michigan
  • Worked his way up to becoming of the best rappers ever
  • Revolutionized the rap game with his unique, in-your-face style that no one had ever seen before
  • Is known for making fun of celebrities and pop culture figures in his music making is fans love him more
  • Isn't quite what he once was but still makes quality music

Paulo Dybala is Chance The Rapper

Paulo Dybala

  • Is a young up and coming player who could one day be a superstar
  • Is only known by diehard soccer fans
  • Goes under-the-radar because no one watches Serie A
  • Will probably sign with a huge club soon
Chance The Rapper
  • Is a new school artist that has a really bright future
  • Is only known by hardcore hip-hop fans
  • Goes relatively unnoticed due to his underground status
  • Will probably sign with a label and make a ton of money soon

David Beckham is Jay-Z

David Beckham

  • Was a legendary soccer player in his day
  • Is now an entrepreneur with various business ventures
  • Owns his own soccer team
  • Still comes back to the field occasionally to prove that class is permanent
  • Was an iconic hip-hop artist in his day
  • Is now an entrepreneur and businessman with many successful ventures
  • Owns his own record label
  • Still comes back and makes great music from time-to-time

Eden Hazard is Lupe Fiasco

Eden Hazard

  • Began his career as one of the most talked about players in the world.
  • Was skillful, dynamic, and productive on the field
  • Has declined in form dramatically
  • Says weird things about leaving Chelsea before big matches
Lupe Fiasco
  • Had maybe the best first two album debut in hip-hop history
  • Was known for his amazing lyrics and double entendres
  • Has steadily gone downhill over the past half decade.
  • Fell out with Atlantic Records and hasn't been the same

Sergio Aguero is Drake

Sergio Aguero

  • Is one of the best goal scorers in the world
  • Will never make it to the top tier alongside Messi or Ronaldo
  • Is constantly on top of the Premier League goal scoring table


  • Makes some of this generation's era-defining songs
  • Will always be just under the best rappers in the game
  • Always has hit songs on top of the charts