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The Internet went wild trying to name Atlanta United’s reserve team

Surely there’s marketing gold in one of these suggestions...

MLS: Eastern Conference Knockout Round-Columbus Crew at Atlanta United FC Jason Getz-USA TODAY Sports

With the announcement that Atlanta United’s reserve team would take the field in Gwinnett in 2018, we, the bourgeoisie soccer bloggers at DSS sitting on the couch in our ivory towers watching poorly produced highlight videos of the next possible Atlanta United starlet from a far off South American country so that if and when the time comes we can act like we have an opinion on said starlet and appear forthrightly more informed than you, came down from our tower to lend an ear to you, the people, to ask for your input on the naming of our new content mine USL club to the north.

Before we get to your answers, let’s talk about an elephant in the room. Of course, the kind of people who we’re addressing have probably already seen this elephant, leaned over to you and said, “That’s an elephant.” like you didn’t already know, because that’s the kind of people they are.

It’s fairly common for MLS reserve teams, and reserve teams around the world for that matter, to simply add “II” or “B” to the end of their club name and call it a day. Those of you that took the time to suggest the team be called “Atlanta United II” or “Atlanta United B” are the same type of people who pull leftovers straight out of the fridge and eat without reheating them and consider it fine. I thought you were a myth, but today continued the evaporation of the childlike-wonder I’ve somehow been able to maintain into my early-20’s.

It’s an idea so devoid of creativity and fun that Orlando City already jumped on it a couple of years ago with “Orlando City B”. The name is so similar it seems that Orlando has forgotten to play the “A” team at certain points, including the entire 2017 season. Let’s not be Orlando.

Fortunately, some of you were actually able to be somewhat creative with the trope.

A few of you were inclined to pitch hip-hop themed names. These were my favorites. The Migos-influenced names feel especially appropriate for a Gwinnett-based club.

And one of you was able to combine both ideas and won the whole dang night.

The rest were varied and still pretty good.

We had subtle hints about upcoming front office decisions.

A twist on a classic.

A name that some people in Florida feel is an insult because they lack judgment and life skills.

Basically, Handsome FC.

Blatant pandering.

A name that would be perfect if Phoenix hadn’t ruined it already.

A few very Gwinnett names.

Some commentary on the location of our brand new team.

A reminder that our USL team ain’t played nobody.

And some throwbacks to Atlanta teams of the past.

There were a whole bunch more and I’m still not sure we’ve found “The One” yet. Keep bringing the names in the comments and on and we may figure this out in time to send word over to Darren and Arthur.