The only thing that had a worse outcome than the #FyreFestival this weekend was my fantasy team. Seriously, if my fantasy team was responsible for getting me drunk, keeping me alive, putting a roof over my head, and unironically enticing me to see a Blink-182 concert I would be sober, dead, homeless, and ironically enjoying the music of Blink-182. I had 61 points which is three points above the average. I’m glad that even though I’m not rich and dumb I’m able to enjoy the feeling of desperation and horror of having to squeeze my own pouches of Juicero thanks to my fantasy team.
Ignacio Piatti looked less like the indomitable Argentine warrior beating Alejandro Bedoya into submission last week and more like stale nachos in a frat house the night after a rager. My other high priced midfielder, Sacha Kljestan looked about as thin his trash stash and each players earned a robust two points. Anyway, we have a double game week and rosters lock at 7:30PM EDT on Wednesday night.
Onto the Rekrap:
Good advice not taken
Everything was bad for me this week, everything. The best part of my week was when I told everyone last week to pick and captain Nicolas Lodeiro. I’d have been well served by taking my own advice as the Uruguayan playmaker did as I predicted and lived up to his high price tag this week and scored 15 points.
New England Revolution, more like New England Capitulation
In a result that was so predictable I even predicted it (see I did) the Sounders came back from a 3-0 deficit and drew with the New England Revolution 3-3. Hand it to the Revs though, they kept going forward when they were up 2-0 and found a third goal but it wasn’t enough. With about 15 minuets to go Seattle scored and from there the Revs made a defensive sub which is a curious move for a team whose defensive strategy is to score more goals than they let in. Without the ability to control the ball Seattle picked them apart and a Will Bruin goal drew the teams even as the game ended. This is a just result, any team that gives up a goal to Will Bruin doesn’t deserve to win.
Joevin Jones does not care about your rules
The oddest score to show up this week was Joevin Jones with 13. Usually defenders who concede 3 goals put up more mundane scores like 4 (which is how much Clint Dempsey my striker got) or 2 (like Piatti and Kljestan). Jones gets forward and is so involved in the Seattle attack that he may be a worthy pick week in and week out even when Stefan Frei sets up in perfect position to watch a ball hit right at him roll to his right and into his net.
Anyway, onto the picks...
This isn’t that complicated, the Red Bulls, Sporting Kansas City, Orlando City Soccer Club, and Toronto FC all have double game weeks coming up. The hard part will be picking who you want from each team and making it work with your budget. The other hard part will be stopping yourself from hunting me down and sending me back to the #FyreFestival when Peter Vermes and Jesse Marsch play their good players for less than 90 minutes over the course of both of their games, lose both, and (in Vermes’ case) spends two games doing his R. Lee Ermey impression.
Goalkeeper: Alex Bono (TOR, $4.9) is probably the best call at keeper this week, I am tempted by Joe Bednik (ORL, $5.2) but City is on the road both games this week and that isn’t too exciting for me.
Defender: I think defenders on DGWs have really tough matchups, all of the teams playing have come around offensively as of late while their defenses have also been stout. Both Orlando and NYRB are on the road both games so I’m staying away from their players. My plan will be to play three cheaper defenders in the back and hope it pans out.
Eriq Zavaleta (TOR, $5.1) has a good shot at a clean sheet at home against Orlando who I think will rotate players on Wednesday night, they have a quick turn around against Seattle but will be out for revenge in that match. For SKC while Jimmy Medranda (SKC, $5.8) jumps out, I think he could be rotated.
Peter Vermes is a known hater of MLS Fantasy and loves rotating his team rather than trying to win games at home because his fragile players can’t face the rigors of air travel, so get a center back, in fact get Ike Opara (SKC, $5.5). My third pick is Nick Hagglund (TOR, $5.2) because he’s cheap and with the injuries to the Toronto backline he’s starting and that’s good enough for me (do check and see if he’s not starting when lineups drop about an hour before kickoff before cursing my name for making this pick).
Midfielders: *rubs hands together* I actually said ‘Ob boy, oh boy’ like I was Alfalfa in the Little Rascals, there are just so many good looking options this week. If you want a Toronto midfielder look at Victor Vazquez (TOR, $8.8) who doesn’t have less than 5 points in the last 6 games. If you want a cheaper pick, look at Will Johnson (ORL, $7.0) who does put up an occasional 2 point dud every now and then but with two chances to get points I think will get near 10 points over the two matches.
Two years ago Benny Feilhaber (SKC, $10.4) committed the unforgivable crime of getting a red card half an hour into his first match of a double game week, last year Peter Vermes rotated his entire team every time SKC had to play more than 90 minutes in a week and the team got a crappy playoff spot and the refs apparently scored a game winning goal for Seattle against them in the playoffs. Hopefully Vermes learned from his tempting karma after his team was reincarnated as a group of hapless toads last postseason, but who knows. Benny has produced decent, and even really good, numbers when he’s played and even if he just goes 120 minutes this week I think he’s worth a start.
I really want to believe that Sacha Kljestan (NYRB, $10.2) wasn’t personally trying to spite me by scoring 2 points last week but that really burned me. Everything in my body tells me to rage drop him and stay away and a tough game against SKC has me tempted to avoid him. But a creampuff matchup against Philly on Saturday has me leaving him in my squad.
Forwards: *Really rubs hands together* The forward picks are great this week: Bradley Wright Phillips (NYRB, $10) plays SKC which is a bad matchup and then has the aforementioned creampuff game against Philly, I think he’s worth having and I think New York will even give Sporting more than they bargain for especially if Vermes rotates players. Jozy Altidore (TOR, $10.1) is cheaper and scoring more goals than Giovinco and is home to Orlando which isn’t great and away to Seattle who just leaked three goals to New England, he’s in form and confident and I like his chances this week. Dom Dwyer (SKC, $8.9) counts as a budget pick this week and while New York is a good defensive team, I really like him against Minnesota over the weekend.
Anyone not playing a DGW, no seriously there’s no reason not to play a full 11 man team with the players going in two games this week.
Aside from that avoid Kaka, he’s fresh off of an injury and if Orlando is going to rotate anyone it will be the Brazilian. If you do add him and he does well know that it’s because I didn’t put him on my team because every time that I put him on my roster it signals his calf to get tight and the Orlando training staff to deactivate him for 4 weeks.
Anyway, have a great week and enjoy cultural appropriation day on Friday everyone!