Our friends over at the Blue Testament wrote a really well done list, for the most part, asking: What Game of Thrones Character is your MLS team?
I can argue a few aspects here but let’s go into three of them:
1 - Sporting Kansas City is not Jon Snow. Aside from not being able to score, thanks to taking a vow of celibacy as a member of the Night’s Watch, SKC does not have much in common with Jon Snow - the team is terrible in the attack and just lost their best defender so are doomed to slide down the standings from the high and mighty post they occupy temporarily. Can’s score? A misplaced high opinion of themselves? Doomed to failure? Hate to break it to you, but SKC is Alliser Thorne.
2 - According to the list, Bronn is Atlanta United - really? They are bought by a family deeply in debt in exchange for a worthless lordship, nah I don’t think so. If you want to go the money route, Atlanta United is the Iron Bank. But really, the Five Stripes are Tormund Giantsbane - constantly underestimated, generally overlooked, already a king in his own right, a massive army of rowdy and proud Wildlings twice the size of any force its adversaries can draw on his side, and he’s furious in the attack perhaps to the detriment of the defense - sounds right.
3 - The Orlando City part is incomplete. Yes, Orlando City are like Sansa Stark in that both are insufferable whiners (O.K. yes, Sansa absolutely has every right to be irate about being married to Ramsay Bolton, but they get calls they deserve too and Ramsay got what was coming to him). But the Blue Testament missed a major aspect of Sansa’s character. Like Sansa, no matter what OCSC looks like they’ve made the right move and believe that everything is going to be O.K. only to have things inevitably blow up in their faces ending up worse than they ever could have imagined.
Everything from missing on a DP in 2015, being saddled with bad contracts in 2016, and not having more than one player that can score in 2017 is completely reminiscent of the misplaced optimism and complete ignorance of the obvious signs of danger and doom that Sansa also ignores as she enters every one of her betrothals.
Friday is going to be fun.