Atlanta United’s Roster as OutKast Songs

Here are the players that grace the Stankonia Dome for Atlanta United and their OutKast song equivalent.

You’re welcome.

Miguel Almiron - So Fresh, So Clean

Ain't nobody dope as me I'm dressed so fresh so clean (So fresh and so clean clean) / I love when you stare at me I'm dressed so fresh so clean (So fresh and so clean clean)

The final single from “Stankonia”, So Fresh, So Clean is Three Stacks and Big Boi at their silkiest. Like Miggy on the ball weaving through the midfield, the song is sexy as hell. The song exudes confidence but never veers toward being ostentatious. Almiron roams the midfield in the same manner. He doesn’t need to be flashy because he’s better than you. Try and keep up.

Josef Martinez - B.O.B.

In-slum-national, underground / Thunder pounds when I stomp the ground (Woo!) / Like a million elephants and silverback orangutans / You can't stop a train/ Who want some? Don't come un-pre-pared

JOSEF MARTINEZ IS TAKING ATLANTA UNITED TO MLS CUP AND YOU’RE ALL INVITED TO RIDE WITH HIM, YES YOU.

Martinez and B.O.B. both careen forward like a tank with rocket boosters powering down a mountain at the speed of got dang sound. No one had ever heard anything like B.O.B before its release and no one had ever seen anything like Josef scoring 16 goals in 11 starts before his release unto an unsuspecting soccer watching public.

Andre and Big Boi use the same scorched earth policy with B.O.B. that Josef has taken to MLS. It is unrelenting, in your face and you couldn’t stop its momentum if you tried.

Anton Walkes - Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik

Well it's the M-I crooked letter coming around the South

Walkes receives the title track of OutKast’s presence announcing first record, Southernplayasticadillacmuzik.

The song itself doesn’t encapsulate the British ex-pat, but Big Boi’s famous opening line announcing the “M-I crooked letter’s” appearance in the South works to describe Walkes’ current situation as the Atlanta United right back.

The M-I Crooked Letter alias is most often associated with Big Boi’s intro to ATLiens, however it makes sense for Walkes to be connected with a younger, rawer version of the group. Some people (dumbly) believe that M-I Crooked letter stands for Mississippi. While the crooked letter is an S, no one in OutKast is from Mississippi or would have any desire to claim as such SO WHY IS THIS ALWAYS BROUGHT UP WITH THIS LINE??? It actually stands for The Misfits, the name Andre and Big Boi originally agreed to deem their group. When they discovered another more prominent group using Misfits, they went to a thesaurus and exchanged Misfits for OutKast.

Anton has been a Misfit in the south for much of his Atlanta United career, playing out of position at right back instead of his natural slot at center back. He’s making the most of it though. Did I give him this song mostly because I wanted to explain the M-I Crooked letter thing? Yup.

Yamil Asad - In Due Time

A deep cut from the soundtrack to the movie “Soul Food” -- which coincidentally is the name of a Goodie Mob album and makes this song kind of confusing to find — OutKast join up with Goodie Mob’s most famous member, Cee Lo, who sings this hook:

Just keep your faith in me / Don't act impatiently / You'll get where you need to be / In due time / Even when things are slow / Hold on and don't let go / I'll give you what I owe In due time

Yamil has faced more scrutiny than any other regular starter this year, but a quick look at the stat sheet and even the most novice of soccer fans would have to admit he’s been stellar this season. The Velez-Sarsfield loanee has bagged four goals and ten assists for the Five Stripes. Even when he seems to play poorly, something positive always seems to come from Yamil In Due Time.

Andrew Carleton - Elevators

"Hey man, you remember me from school?"/ "No not really" But he kept smiling like a clown, facial expression looking silly/ And he kept asking me, "What kinda car you drive? I know you paid/ I know y'all got beaucoup of hoes from all them songs that y'all done made / "And I replied that I had been going through the same things that he had

Carleton is bestowed with the best OutKast song (plllleeeaasssee @ me.) for his incredible potential. OutKast’s introspective look at how life changes as celebrity grows works perfectly for a kid that would have entered his senior year of high school a month ago if it weren’t for the fact he’s playing professional soccer at 17-years-old.

Greg Garza - Black Ice (Sky High)

Friends, Romans, countrymen lend me your eardrums

Yeah, I know this is a Goodie Mob song. But Dungeon Family is Dungeon Family whether it’s technically OutKast or Goodie Mob. Besides, the song features a verse from Big Boi and then a verse from Andre in what might be his best feature of all-time (oh my god, I’m telling you, please @ me).

Garza picks up my favorite Goodie Mob song entirely for this brilliant tweet from (appropriately) Footie Mob after he ruined a dude’s career.

Leandro Gonzalez Pirez - ATLiens

And when I’m on the microphone it’s best to wear your sweater / Cause I’m cooler than a polar bear’s toenails

Cooler. Than a polar bear’s. Toenails.

LGP is consistently the calmest dude on the pitch, and when he’s gone for even a game the back line suffers.

His patience when playing out the back and ability to handle tough situations at the back make the Argentinian one of the team’s most beloved players. As of press time DSS is unaware of whether or not LGP likes fish and grits, as well as other things associated with the lifestyle of a pimp.

Jeff Larentowicz - The Way You Move

This song is smooth, sleek, sexy.

None of these are things that describe Brown graduate Jeffrey Adam Larentowicz.

However, if you watch closely, you realize Larentowicz moves in a certain way. The only way Jeff Larentowicz moves is INTO PERFECT DEFENSIVE POSITIONING NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES. His defensive movement is under-appreciated by most, but true fans like the way he moves, and some (me) love it.

Michael Parkhurst - SpottieOttieDopaliscious

So now you back in the trap just that, trapped / Go on and marinate on that for a minute

The whole song feels like two weary friends discussing their past lives of partying. They express empathy for the people experiencing their first little taste of the nightlife, knowing that those people will likely make the same mistakes Andre and Big Boi have already made. They’re two veterans of the scene, much like Michael Parkhurst in MLS. You can imagine him giving the same fatherly advice to a young rookie who may not have his head on straight.

Tito Villalba - Gasoline Dreams

Don't everybody like the smell of gasoline? / Well burn motherf***** burn American Dream

I’m 99% sure this song is weaving its way through Tito’s mind non-stop when he’s playing. Gasoline Dreams kicks off OutKast’s third album, Stankonia, in the rowdiest way possible. It’s a perfect soundtrack for a player that is always moving at 100% effort and running around like this:

Alec Kann - Decatur Psalm

A song off of OutKast’s best album (PLEEEASSSEE @ ME I DARE YOU) for the Decatur native.

Brad Guzan - Aquemini

Even the sun goes down heroes eventually die / Horoscopes often lie and sometimes "why" / Nothin' is for sure nothin' is for certain nothin' lasts forever / But until they close the curtain / It's him and I Aquemini

The hook makes Aquemini feel appropriate for Guzan. We’ll only have him for so long. Enjoy him in goal while you can before the curtain closes.

Carlos Carmona - Millennium

At times, I think I'm crazy, then I say forget it

Carmona gets Millennium because it’s a freaking great cut and no one seems to ever appreciate it. Rembert Browne ranked it as a 16 seed against “Hey Ya” in his Stankoff Bracket back in 2011. A 16 seed! Now if you hadn’t seen Carmona’s passing statistics then you might be tempted to put him up as a 16 seed verses Josef’s one seed. But you’re smarter than that and you recognize quality songs like Millennium.