Soccer legend & American hero Bobby Boswell retires from international play

At 10:46 a.m. on January 2nd of 2018, devastation struck hearts around the nation as professional soccer icon/father/son/male/human being/dad joke connoisseur/cult hero Bobby Boswell announced his retirement from international soccer.

What courage. What selflessness. Robert Allen Boswell was the hero we all needed, but not the one the USMNT deserved in 2018. Everyone in the universe will remember him for his three apperances with the Stars and Stripes in 2006 and 2007. This period tends to be referred to as the “Best two years of our collective lives”. A 4-0 win against Guatemala, 3-1 victory against Denmark and a 1-0 loss to Colombia at Copa America is the flawless international legacy Boswell leaves behind(the loss to Colombia didn’t matter because Bobby freakin’ Boswell was starting. We as a nation won on that day and don’t you forget it).

Nothing but great things have been said about Boswell from his peers.

There’s a reason people compare him to Messi and Ronaldo. Frankly I think that’s a ridiculous comparison. What makes anyone think that Messi or Ronaldo have anything on Bobby? He wasn’t named one of the Fifty Most Attractive Bachelors in the 2006 November issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine for nothing.

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Another peer shared his thoughts on the legend: “Bobby was and still obviously is a heck of a player. It’s just amazing how often one guy can ask others to pull his finger.”

It’s safe to say Boswell will unquestionably go down as the greatest player of all-time. The real question now is when he begins writing his autobiography and when said autobiography is available for purchase.

Best wishes, Bobby. May your newfound free time lead to more smiles and laughs being put on your wife and children’s faces, and selfishly our own as well.

From,

Human Civilization