We talk about food more than we talk about soccer in the Dirty South Soccer writer’s room. Normally, it’s about how pineapple pizza is
delicious (editors note: overruled) or how the All-Star Special is for tourists (editor’s note: screw you, Sam). The other night it turned into something different: blatant posturing. The room conceded after a short discussion that our own Haris Kruskic and Sam Franco were the two DSS members most apt to eating unconscionable amounts of food in one sitting. However, both laid claim to the top spot in the DSS hierarchy of feasting prowess. In short, each of them thought they could eat, like, way more food. Names were called. HR was contacted. Pirate code was invoked. More names. Tears. Apologizing. Making up. Instant regression back to names.
Out of the chaos came an idea. A stupid idea. And, as is tradition at DSS, when we have a stupid idea, we turn it into something for charity.
Readers young and old, we at Dirty South Soccer along with our friends at The Faction are ecstatic to introduce the first (and almost definitely last because both of them might die) “Copa-de-glutton”. The name is dumb. The contest is even dumber.
At the first tailgate of the year at the first regular season home game of the year — that’s Sunday, March 11 if you didn’t know — in The Gulch at The Faction Tailgate, Haris Kruskic and Sam Franco of Dirty South Soccer fame will attempt to eat as many J.R. Cricket’s chicken wings as humanly possible. They will fight for wing eating supremacy as they attempt to eat more than their counterpart in a display that will no doubt be totally gross by the end of it. They’ll have a predetermined time limit to do so.
Your job, as horrified onlookers rubbernecking at the chicken-filled-dumpster-fire of humanity in front of you, will be to gamble. Kind of.
Before the feast of feasts occurs, we ask you to place your bets on a winner by buying a raffle ticket. If you correctly pick the winner, you will be entered into a 50/50 raffle. The winner of the raffle will take half of their contestant’s earnings. The rest of the money will be given to local charity and all around good thing Fugees Family. As a reminder or an introduction:
“Fugees Family, Inc. is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization devoted to working with child survivors of war. The organization empowers refugees to integrate successfully into their new country by providing them the support and structure they need to realize their vast potential.
“Sports remains a key to the success of the children, and the organization’s programming includes year-round soccer for over 90 boys and girls aged 10-18, after-school tutoring, soccer for 50 elementary-aged students, and an academic enrichment summer camp.
“The Fugees Academy has a unique goal, to educate refugee children in an environment that understands their unique challenges. These children are left behind in a traditional public school system. They come to the United States after being forced to flee their home countries. Most have lived through traumatic experiences and have spent time in refugee camps, where education is neither a priority nor an option.
“The Fugees Academy attends to the needs of these children, who, at 14 might read at a kindergarten level, if at all. It offers children a bridge from isolation to socialization and learning. The school strives to give its students the support, guidance, and direct instruction necessary to put them on a path to better adjustment, high school graduation, and further successes. Our programming has demonstrated that in a highly structured environment where rules and expectations are clear, and creativity and individuality are nurtured, refugee children don’t just catch up – they become stellar performers who can meet rigorous academic standards.”
This is going to be fun. And weird. And potentially vomit-filled. And a way to raise money for our favorite charity.
We’ll let you meet both contestants soon, as they’ve already sat down for a Q&A about their impending mental and gastrointestinal challenge. Until then, prepare to donate come game day, and enjoy some good-natured smack talk on twitter.com that definitely hasn’t crossed the line already.
That’s funny, Sam. I have my own take. pic.twitter.com/2HyK8jUMpS— Haris Kruskic (@HKruskic) February 21, 2018
Ok, this might get ugly.