In the calm before the disgusting and altogether unhealthy storm, we took some time to sit down with our Copa-De-Glutton contestants. As a reminder, our very own Haris Kruskic and Sam Franco will engage in a wing-eating contest at the Faction tailgate prior to the home opener vs. D.C. United. They will have 30 minutes to masticate 75 wings. First to 75 or the most in the allotted time is the grand champion of our first and probably last Copa-De-Glutton. You’ll have a chance before the contest to bet on your favorite and donate some money to the Fugees Family. If you pick the winner correctly, you’ll be entered into a 50/50 raffle to be held immediately after the contest ends and we make sure that Haris and Sam aren’t dead or dying.
We asked them a few questions, and, as is often the case with toxic masculinity, both Haris and Sam are extremely confident they’re going to win.
First things first. Have you ever vomited in public?
Haris Kruskic: Define “public”. Like in front of people at a friend’s place? Yes. In like a restaurant or store? No.
So when you do it in front of hundreds of people at a tailgate you’ll feel prepared? The audience will be your friends. Basically.
HK: I will throw up in the name of charity.
I’m very proud of you. What about you Sam?
Sam Franco: I’ve got a good one for this.
I was like 10 years old. I was in a church league basketball game at Briarlake Baptist off of LaVista. I had been kinda sick for a few days, even missing school the day before, but as a child, I took my basketball games VERY SERIOUSLY. Especially because that year, I was on the worst team in the league and I was the best player averaging like 15 points per game. Anyway...
I drove to the basket on one play and hit a layup while getting fouled. As I run into the padded thing on the wall behind the goal, I felt it coming... I ran over to the trash can near the exit from the gym and unloaded in it.
When I was done, I walked back onto the court and sank my free throw. Every other kid was looking at me like I had leprosy.
So Haris, just know that I will finish the drill no matter what.
Every bit of that story is true. It’s probably the most badass thing I’ve ever done.
So Haris how screwed are you? Super or mega?
SF: Plus Haris has given me motivation to do it for the Dawgs now... Bad move sir.
That’s funny, Sam. I have my own take. pic.twitter.com/2HyK8jUMpS— Haris Kruskic (@HKruskic) February 21, 2018
HK: In fairness, I want Sam’s best. No excuses.
I will definitely finish as well, and I will definitely finish quicker than Samuel Franco.
If both of y’all had to make an estimate right now how many wings do you think you could eat in this very moment?
SF: Well I just ate lunch...
HK: 350. I’m always ready.
(Uhhhh maybe like 35)
SF: With training, I legit think over 100
Oh god Haris, you’re so screwed.
HK: You said at this very moment. Don’t underestimate me, Sam.....
Ok, how ‘bout an estimate of what you’ll eat come game day.
HK: 75 and whatever is left over on Sam’s plate. I once ate eight cracker barrel pancakes in 15 minutes because my friend said he’d pay for it. Now imagine what i’m capable of if money is going to charity.
How will both of you prepare for this?
SF: Gonna eat straight Uncle Ben’s rice for the entire week leading up.
Oh, and Rocky montages.
SF: 3 and 4. Running on the beach with Apollo in 3 and running around the snow in 4 while Drago pumped himself full of steroids.
Who’s your Apollo?
SF: The Jedi Ghost of Chris Farley
What about you Haris?
HK: I will bench press a pizza every morning for 100 reps. The pizza will be the heaviest pizza you can think of. All the toppings. In the afternoon, I will watch Joey Chestnut devour his weight in hot dogs. Then, I will watch Jamie McDonald reach his goal for immortality, as he ate 120 nuggets in 12 minutes. That video will be on a loop until the day I forcibly take Sam’s pride from him. I shall be in class and all that will be heard by my colleagues is the sounds of Nathan’s Famous sliding down Sir Joey’s gullet. Late afternoon, I will taunt UGA football on Twitter as a form of psychological warfare toward my opponent. Lastly, every evening, I will verbally abuse a photo of a chicken(stupid dumb chicken jerks with their stupid dumb eggs. You can’t even fly like other birds you dumb faced bird. The day you crossed Haris Kruskic Road is the day you regret inspiring the question of why you crossed the road in the first place.)
HK: So yeah, pretty standard stuff.
SF: I’m just gonna send Haris videos of me spooning mayo into my mouth.
HK: Ew. Literally never say that again.