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Ten man Atlanta United somehow beats Minnesota United 1-0

Seriously, how did we do that?


An Atlanta United squad that played with ten men for the final 52 minutes of game time came out on top 1-0 in frigid Minneapolis thanks to an own goal and a stellar piece of team defending. I really have no idea how we did that.

The Five Stripes struck first after the ball struck like 40 things and then rolled into the net off the legs of Francisco Calvo of Minnesota United they scored unquestionably the single greatest goal of the day in MLS.

It took just three minutes to take a 1-0 lead.

Atlanta continued to control the game until things took a turn in the 38th minute. LGP decided he’d had enough of the cold and pushed a Minnesota player into the advertising boards to cleverly earn his second yellow card and be sent off the pitch and back into the heated locker room.

Atlanta would be stuck with 10 men the rest of the way.

From there on out we held on TO OUR FREAKING LIVES.

Minnesota controlled the ball at every available opportunity but never once produced a clear-cut chance despite Jeff Larentowicz leaving midway through the second half with an injury and Michael Parkhurst playing with a knock to the head.

The entirety of the second half was spent defending with everything the ten-man squad could muster. Possession ended in favor of Minnesota 71% to 29%. Minnesota had 13 shots to our five. We still won.

Dear god that was stressful. We pulled a Jose Mourinho special and escaped. If we never have to play Minnesota again that’s cool.

Nonetheless, it was a resilient road win for the Five Stripes. There were plenty of opportunities to capitulate but Atlanta still maintained a 1-0 lead for 52+ minutes.

I’m a little drunk. I’m going to go take a nap now. Let’s never do that again.