The Daily Dirt May 11, 2018: Say hello to your mother for me

Good writing, well edited posts, interesting stories... You’ll get none of that today because I’m back. Sydney Hunte filled in yesterday but now the Daily Dirt is back in my clutches looking around to see who is coming to save it. The answer is NOBODY YOU ARE AGAIN AT MY MERCY. In other words, here are five or six stores and some bad jokes and a video or whatever that I found to start your day! Enjoy.

Anyway, onto the Dirt...

Domestic

We got beef live on TMZ is something I never thought I’d write about MLS, but then again you don’t see reports about a stratospheric talent like future MLS Commissioner's All Star Game pick Wayne Rooney joining the league everyday either. (Oh, what’s this mysterious Twitter account that is tweeting out this amazing content? Maybe the world will find out one day).

Just think about how fortunate Atlanta United is to have not signed him...

Jon Busch retired from the Columbus Crew. I honestly thought that he and Evan Bush were the same person for the last four years.

Finally, check out Equalizer Soccer to catch up on the Wednesday night NWSL matches. Worryingly for the USWNT, Kelley O’Hara seemed to come off the field injured late in the Utah Royals midweek match.

International

Patrick Stewart is a huge Huddersfield fan it turns out. He was pretty pumped to see them be able to stay up for another season. Or, filtered through a bro/rel translator: “MLS HATES STAR TREK AND PATRICK STEWART AND IS THE STAR TREK FINAL FRONTIER OF SOCCER LEAGUES AND ANYONE WHO LIKES IT IS A SOCCER HATING FRAUD.”

Remember when the guy who was the chief scout of US soccer was going on about Lionel Messi being bad actually, nobody show him this...

Catch up with what’s on the line for the LigaMX playoffs. Club America has a chance to set the record for most titles won in the history of the league.

Goal

Wayne Rooney is definitely not worth whatever DCU ends up paying him, but at one point he was doing stuff like this...

Recommendation

I’m a little late to the party, but learn what a real rivalry is with this video from the Portland Timbers. Merritt Paulson really out did himself this time.

PS.

Do something nice for your mom, even though Atlanta United plays at 6PM on Sunday, it’s still Mother’s Day so here are some gift ideas:

• A tifo: Moms love tifo so get a 100 by 80 yard piece of fabric, paint a meaningful mural and hang it from the garage so mom thinks of you whenever she sees it.
• A custom printed big head cut out: every mom would love to be recognized for the little things they do everyday. So this weekend, maybe cut out a giant picture of your mom’s head and wave it around while she’s doing mom stuff.
• Write a chant: Your mom probably sang to you when you were little, well now it’s time to return the favor. Change up the words to 10 German Bombers to be about your mother, she’ll love it!
• A beer shower: what could mom possibly have to complain about after showering her with beer while she’s sitting on the couch watching Smilla’s Sense of Snow?