Over the next 25 days, Clear & Obvious and DSS are raising money for Fugees Family through the power of content*. Our goal is for the 17’s to raise $1,717 this holiday season for one of our favorite non-profits. We’ve ALREADY MET OUR FIRST GOAL AND RAISED $2,500. MY GOD. WE HAVE A NEW GOAL NOW. You can continue help us and The Fugees out by donating or creating your own content (Email us! Make a fanpost! Tweet something!) to promote the GoFundMe. Contentmas is for the people. You can donate and find out more about Fugees Family by going here: https://www.gofundme.com/f/dss-drive-for-the-fugees
A Merry Happy Contentmas to you.
*not all pieces of content will be winners but hey, what can you do?
Yesterday, our own Tiotal Football wrote eloquently about the nature of Julian Gressel’s contract negotiations. This is not that. THIS is a transcript of the negotiations that we’ve obtained by making everything up. Let’s look in shall we.
ATLANTA UNITED BOARD ROOM - CHILDREN’S HEALTHCARE OF ATLANTA TRAINING GROUND - MARIETTA, GEORGIA
[Atlanta United’s designated mediator sits on one side of the table. Gressel and his agent stand in front of a screen quietly muttering about how to get the slideshow into “Presentation Mode.” It does not work until they accidentally hit a button sends it to presentation mode. It is literally the first time a slideshow has worked properly. With the presentation ready, Gressel and his agent stare directly at the mediator.]
Mediator: Umm...whenever y’all are ready, guys.
[They continue to stare.]
Mediator: ........whenever your ready.
[Gressel hits the spacebar. Vigorously.]
Mediator: Right yes, we—
Mediator: Ok yes all of those players make a bit more but Abubakar has really had a soli—
Gressel: Look. It.
Mediator: Adnan did a lot for Vancouver in his 12 appearance—
Mediator: Jozy, Osvaldo, these are big time players.
[Gressel and agent stare at the mediator]
Mediator: Ok well, Jordan Allen, he...that’s one of those players that...Jordan Allen contributes a lot to that team.....that he plays for...
Gressel: LOOK. IT.
Mediator: We’re stil in the “A’s” huh?
[Gressel and agent now lean in as close as possible to the mediator. They whisper.]
Gressel and agent: lookit.
Mediator: ................LOOK MAN. THEY JUST PAY ME TO MEDIATE THINGS. I DON’T SIGN THE CHECKS.
[Mediator grabs Gressel’s shirt by the collar. Gressel does not flinch. He simply looks into the mediators soul.]
Mediator: IT’S NOT MY FAULT. THIS ISN’T MY FAULT. I’M JUST DOING MY JOB, MAN.
[Gressel calmly and quietly taps the spacebar]
Mediator: This....this is a real person?
Mediator: And they play in MLS?
Mediator: ...Well...surely they’ve been a huge contributor. I bet they made like 30 appearances for their tea—
[Gressel shakes head no]
[Gressel shakes head no]
[the spacebar is tapped gently. it sounds like a nuclear blast]
[The mediator runs screaming out of the room]
[Outside the room, two team representatives watch the mediator exit the building]
Person one: Another one, huh?
Person two: Yup.
Person one: How many slides did they make it?
Person two: Nine.
Person one: Oh, hey, getting better.
[Person two sighs and turns to a waiting room full of well dressed men and women sitting nervously]
Person two: NEXT.
Anyway, donate to Fugees Family here: https://www.gofundme.com/f/dss-drive-for-the-fugees