Over the next 25 days, Clear & Obvious and DSS are raising money for Fugees Family through the power of content*. Our goal is for the 17’s to raise $1,717 this holiday season for one of our favorite non-profits. We’ve ALREADY MET OUR FIRST GOAL AND RAISED $2,700. MY GOD. WE HAVE A NEW GOAL NOW. You can continue help us and The Fugees out by donating or creating your own content (Email us! Make a fanpost! Tweet something!) to promote the GoFundMe. Contentmas is for the people. You can donate and find out more about Fugees Family by going here: https://www.gofundme.com/f/dss-drive-for-the-fugees
A Merry Happy Contentmas Day #7 to you.
*not all pieces of content will be winners but hey, what can you do?
The SEC Championship is today. You probably know this, because you probably live in the south. That being the case, you may be watching the game today despite:
- You not liking gridiron football
- You cheering for a rival school of the two participants
- You being from a place that is not the south and wondering why everyone isn’t worried about the line on the Pats game tomorrow instead
- You knowing that your team’s offensive coordinator will repeatedly run up the middle while the other team stacks the box due to the fact that your team’s two best receivers will be missing and the fact that, despite repeatedly promising vague improvements to the offensive play calling through buzz phrases like “opening up the playbook”, the offense will pretty much do exactly the same thing they’ve always done which this year has involved an absurd amount of checkdowns from shorter passes into even shorter passes that have been being completed at a steadily declining rate despite the shortness of said passes, as well as poor interior blocking in the run game due in large part to defenses simply keying in on the A gap and having no fear of being beaten over the top in the passing game because of the whole checkdown on the checkdown thing, while, meanwhile, the other team’s offense is historically great and the comparisons people are making of your team’s defense to the Auburn defense everyone keeps making feel a bit misguided when Auburn, despite only allowing 23 points, still gave up over five-hundred yards of offense and were helped by a goal-line stand and a turnover in the red zone, ON TOP OF your team’s recent history in games played in this particular building and your team’s recent history of hurting you in fun and creative ways, so you just kind of assume that you’re going to lose by a couple of possessions at least and you’d rather not talk about the football game at hand.
If this is you, then we’re here to help you change the conversation back to a more comfortable topic. The 2018 MLS Cup Champions, 2019 Campeons Cup winners and 2019 U.S. Open Cup Winners, Atlanta United FC.
Here’s a cheat sheet to prepare you for some scenarios you may encounter over the course of the game.
If Georgia running back D’Andre Swift does literally anything:
You know, he’s from Philadelphia. Jeff Larentowicz is also from Philadelphia. Yeah, he actually won two Interacademic League championships at Chestnut Hill Academy in 2000 and 2001. He also captained the metro-Philadelphia-based FC Delco Arsenal to two USYSA National Championships in 2002 and 2003.
Atlanta United recently beat Philadelphia’s MLS team, the Philadelphia Union, in a MLS Cup Playoff game. Jeff Larentowicz played in that one. He just re-signed with Atlanta actually. Pretty...that’s pretty cool...
Oh and Atlanta United color commentator Dan Gargan also went to Chestnut Hill. In Philadelphia. Where D’Andre Swift is from.
If LSU punts:
Crazy thing, LSU long-snapper, Blake Ferguson, and former LSU long-snapper, Reid Ferguson, both big Atlanta United fans. Yeah, they’re uhhh...they’re brothers, both played at Buford...but yeah Reid has season tickets apparently. Both follow the Atlanta United SBNation site on twitter and have ATLUTD things in their bios so yeah, pretty, that’s pretty awesome, ya know...
If LSU head coach Ed Orgeron speaks:
Soccer Down Here’s Jarrett Smith does a great Ed Orgeron impression you should hear it. Anyway, I was listening to Soccer Down Here the other day and...
If they show the stadium
I don’t know just mention something about how the attendance probably isn’t as much as MLS Cup or whatever, look you we’re probably going to do this one anyway if we’re being honest.
If Georgia calls two runs that lose yardage then runs a draw on third and 15 to go three and out
Pretty predictable from James Coley, huh? I can think of another team that played pretty predictably on this same field and blamed their coach. At least earlier in the year. That team? Frank de Boer’s Atlanta United. Here’s how they were able to make a tactical change and get things goi...
If LSU’s backup quarterback comes in to win the game
ok don’t actually say anything here if you’re with Georgia fans. You chose to come to this, respect their emotional head-space at this time
If they mention Tigers
So there’s team in Liga MX called Tigres. Pretty much like Tigers, right? Anyway, there’s also a team in Liga MX called Club America and they came to MBS and played for the Campeo....
If LSU’s backup quarterback comes in to win the game and you’re with anyone but Georgia fans
Myles Brennan??? He’s not the only Miles to have a big day at MBS. But this Miles, is from Syracuse. Let’s start here: It’s Dallas. July 4th. 2018. Miles Robinson has just subbed in. This is where his arc, truly begi...
If they talk about either coach’s contract. Or any finances in any capacity. Money in general. How cheap hot dogs are. That kind of thing.
Lengthy. Julian Gressel. Contract takes.
If they mention that LSU quarterback Joe Burrow is the Heisman front-runner
The Heisman Trophy was actually named after Georgia Tech head coach John Heisman. Heisman coached the team from 1904 to 1919. He actually coached the first game at Bobby Dodd Stadium in 1913. I remember another first game at Bobby Dodd Stadi...
If Jake Fromm exists
Jake Fromm played in the Little League World Series. Yeah, yeah, it’s in Williamsport, Pennsylvania. You know, baseball hall of famer, Mike Mussina is from Williamsport. Mussina is a member of the Delta Tau Delta fraternity, which as you know is also the fraternity of former NASL player Kyle Rote Jr. Crazy, right? Anyway he was discovered by Lamar Hunt who they actually named the U.S. Open Cup trophy after. Weird thing here, but Atlanta United actually won the U.S. Open C...
If they talk about how LSU sold pieces of sod from their field this week
Discuss the superiority of turf for sports like football and soccer. Particularly the much more superior:
FieldTurf system called “CORE.” FieldTurf describes CORE as “the first multi-layer dual-polymer fiber” turf and touts it as “designed to deliver a more realistic, textured, grass-like shape with optimal durability and resiliency.”
If Georgia wins
Talk about how you’re going to @ your favorite DSS writer, J. Sam Jones, to congratulate him.
And then donate to Fugees Family.
Anyway, donate to Fugees Family here: https://www.gofundme.com/f/dss-drive-for-the-fugees