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Clear & Obvious: Analyzing the single greatest goal in Atlanta United history

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And the wars stopped. And the crying stopped. And the terror stopped. And the world froze in admiration of one great man.

MLS: Campeones Cup Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports

“Clear & Obvious” is a new kind of sort of vertical/brand/excuse for us to make fun of the deeply strange and wonderful world of MLS. Please take it very seriously.


Genesis

In the first frame, we take stock of the protagonist. In waiting for his moment, he simply stands. Unassuming. And yet you can make out fear on the faces of the Club America players.

“Why is he just standing there?” they ask each other through both spoken word and body language. “What does he know?”

If they searched deep within themselves they would probably realize exactly what he knows. He knows that he is better. He knows that mercy won’t come. He knows that it will be swift.

And despite knowing this, he simply stands there.

The 32nd of the 36 Chinese Strategems is the “Empty Fort.” It’s characterized by its use of reverse psychology as famously detailed in the story of the Wei general Wen Ping. Facing an imminent attack from an army that far outnumbered his own, he ordered his men to hide as the opposing army approached. Upon seeing an empty fortress and knowing of Wei Ping’s reputation as a cunning strategist, the opposing general assumes Wei Ping has orchestrated a trap. The opposing army withdraws, fearing what we now know to be nothing.

And thus, our protagonist stands. And the fear in Club America rises. It is the strategy of only the wiliest of practitioners. Those that may be metaphorically outnumbered physically, but are keenly aware of their ability to outsmart their competition.

In short, our protagonist went to brown.

Revelation

The ball is sent goalward by an ancillary character, and pushed away by Club America. But where is our protagonist? Off-screen. Positioning himself. He has laid in wait long enough. It is almost time.

Much like the four horsemen of the apocalypse, he is out of the sight of normal eyes until suddenly, and with great vengeance...

HE APPEARS TO CLAIM WHAT IS HIS.

Judges

The time of lying in wait is over. Our protagonist begins his first move toward his moment of wrath. What has been decided is slowly becoming apparent to all witnesses.

The fear of initial recognition sets in. Those closest see it first. But this is simply the earliest milliseconds of the fear response. The heart rate has increased. Adrenaline is pouring into the bloodstream. However, the brain has not caught up entirely. And the uncertainty of how to deal with the unsparing danger heading their way has only accentuated the fear.

And now we see the fear response fully enacted. An option of brutality has been chosen, and there is nothing they can do to stop it. So they simply, kind of, you know.......hnnggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

Job

A higher power has frowned upon those who have chosen to be opposed to the protagonist. Using great skill, he has powered the ball into the back of a Club America player, hitting the ball into the player hard enough to spare him, but certainly leaving him aware of the protagonists ability to take a life. Thus is the nature of earning respect.

And now the ball is hurtling through empty space. Having been redirected there is nothing that can be done but watch it float through space and time and history. A moment is occurring. And history freezes even the greatest of humanity.

Psalms

We will give thanks

For joy has been created

And cannot be taken away

As we dwell in the house of our Uncle

We see beauty

For now we are left with the memory

And the image

The image of joy for choosing the righteous path

And the image of...

THIS 8 BIT PUNK JUST STUCK THERE HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA LOOK AT HIM NOT BEING ABLE TO DO NOTHING BUT NOTHING LOL THEM FIVE STRIPES IS HELL Y’ALL

Exodus

And thus our protagonist begins his exit. What is done is done. And so he runs away from the spotlight.

But the spotlight always finds greatness.

And those who appreciate greatness, leave the spotlight to allow it to receive its time.

And then the community rallies around greatness. Despite its attempts to hide its presence.

Also, we kinda think he genuinely didn’t know how to celebrate (lol), stay gold Jeff, we hope no one sends this to your palm pilot, love you, ok bye.