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C&O: Signings Atlanta United should make if Adam Jahn joins the team

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Or the team could extend Julian Gressel

MLS: Orlando City SC at Toronto FC John E. Sokolowski-USA TODAY Sports

Sports are funny. You think you know something about what to expect or what the daily rhythm of following a team will be. One of those things is that sports is a place where an “us against them mentality” is basically OK as long as nobody gets sent to the hospital. There’s not really an idea of everyone getting along. Every game has a winner or a loser, even in soccer a draw usually is a better result for one of the teams even if the points are split.

Atlanta United fans might have a few expectations when it comes to the club like the Red Bulls are the real rivals of the Five Stripes, Orlando City is a shambolic joke and their fan base is probably banned from most libraries and MLS stadiums at this point, and Adam Jahn scored a decisive penalty against the team in 2017 in a game that he otherwise had no impact in and then celebrated like he wasn’t the kind of player who would be loaned to the Oklahoma City Energy the next year - but otherwise should be forgotten by the fanbase.

But wait, this is a thing:

For those who don’t know much about Adam Jahn’s game, what he brings to the table is being relatively tall and sometimes scoring by standing close to the goal and having the ball end up close enough to him that he can somehow put it in the net.

Atlanta United fans will be familiar with him because he did this:

MLS: Eastern Conference Knockout Round-Columbus Crew at Atlanta United FC John David Mercer-USA TODAY Sports

This would be like the USMNT hiring Torsten Frings as the manager. But it did get me thinking, if this is the direction the front office wants to go in, who else could we see in an Atlanta United kit sometime soon?

Will Johnson

He’s out of contract and would fill the vital roster spot of “guy people don’t like and isn’t that good” that the team may be lacking.

MLS: Atlanta United FC at Orlando City SC Douglas DeFelice-USA TODAY Sports

Sacha Kljestan

One of the most successful players in MLS history at getting fake assists, Kljestan also brings an uncanny ability to miss penalty kicks to the table.

MLS: Orlando City SC at New York City FC
Jun 2, 2018; New York, NY, USA; Orlando City SC midfielder Sacha Kljestan (16) reacts after missing the net on a penalty kick against New York City FC during the second half at Yankee Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Brad Penner
Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports

Add to it a tremendous ability to start things that he can’t finish with opposing players and Kljestan would be a perfect fit for a new look if the team wants to go in that direction.

Alejandro Bedoya

I mean he played in France, he has to be good right?

MLS: Philadelphia Union at Atlanta United FC Adam Hagy-USA TODAY Sports

In addition to having the distinction of being a part of one of the most hilarious double sending offs in MLS or soccer history, Bedoya seems like he likes to post online. Every team needs a poster and Ale would fit right in. Plus he earned six yellow cards last year, an impressive tally!

Matt Doyle

Apropos of nothing.

That one ridiculous twitter account that thinks it’s Atlanta United satire but misses that to be satire you have to reflect the thing you are satirizing and exaggerate some aspect of it and not just be annoying or insulting.

It would really add to the posting depth of the squad.

Will Bruin

He’s not good at soccer and mostly just stands near the goal waiting for something good to happen to him. Sometimes it works, but if a team gives up a goal to Will Bruin they deserve to lose - it’s a skill you can’t coach and something Atlanta might need in 2020. While we’re at it, the team could inquire about bringing in Brian Schmetzer to coach or be a financial analyst or something and have James O’Connor and Chris Armas be assistants.

Taylor Twellman

In general Twellman is a national hero and he’s owned that his take about Atlanta not being a good MLS market didn’t age well. But if he’s capable of a take like that, just imagine what else he could do!

Bradley Wright-Phillips

You’d need someone to make Sacha Kljestan look good and that’s BWP. He fell off the face of the earth last year, but maybe he’d have enough in the tank for the last 10 minutes of a game to give Frank de Boer a look other than Adam Jahn up top. The Red Bulls are stacked with talented players like David Archibald, so this only makes sense.

In sum... Adam Jahn. What’s next are they going to move the team to Cobb County?