Analyzing Atlanta United’s 4-1 defeat to Orlando City

Author’s Note: I apologize to DakotaKSU for singling them out and taking the feedback the wrong way. The fact is, there is no analysis to be made and there hasn’t been for the last two months. Every single game is the same slop. You can only stir it so many ways before the stench overwhelms everyone. I have been forgoing the post-match articles at times due to this situation we find ourselves in. I definitely should’ve done the same last night instead of antagonizing the loyal commenters who’ve stuck around during a terrible time. So, I do apologize to those of you who do read here daily.

It’s been extremely frustrating trying to write about this team every day when there’s absolutely no redeeming or entertaining aspect about it at the moment. I promise that once the offseason comes the tone and subject of the content will improve dramatically. Joe and I are already excited about the offseason and what we can talk about as this team tries to turn things around.

Your disapproval of the post was warranted. Everyone is having a rough year and I shouldn’t have made it worse for anyone. For that I personally apologize. We’ll do our best to get the content moving in a more positive direction as soon as this nightmare of a season concludes. Please leave any more constructive feedback as to how we can improve the content going forward. We’re always listening and here to hopefully enlighten and entertain during your free time. Thanks again for reading.

Atlanta United lost 4-1 to Orlando City on Wednesday night in their 15th must-win game of the season. The loss puts the Five Stripes way behind in the playoff race, but not mathematically eliminated ahead of their next must-win game against FC Cincinnati at the weekend. Since we’ve been accused of not offering real analysis of this glorious season on this website, here is our expert analysis of the match that occurred.

Goal #1: Fernando Meza decides to go for a mid-match walkabout in the park, to admire the scenery and take in some fresh air. Daryl Dike is better at soccer than everyone in a white and gold kit. 1-0 Orlando.

Goal #2: Chris Mueller hits a nice free kick that Brad Guzan cannot get to. It was probably offside or something. There was a big wall in his way, after all. 2-0 Orlando.

Goal #3: Daryl Dike is much, much better at soccer than everyone in white and gold kits and manhandles the whole team. He assists someone who I cannot remember. 3-0 Orlando.

At this point, I turned off the match to go watch The Masked Singer. But I was looking at Twitter and apparently Cubo Torres scored his first goal for Atlanta United. Good for him. He’s done some decent work since arriving with the team when not injured. His hold-up play has been under-appreciated. Also, Orlando scored again.

There is your analysis. It’s okay though. Josef Martinez’s injury is the only reason the team has gone from contenders to utter laughingstocks. Only outside forces are keeping Atlanta United down. Nothing they’ve done themselves is bad or the problem. See you on Sunday!