Prekrap: we absolutely know what is going to happen this weekend

It is typically very difficult to say what will happen in sports. We think we know, but really we don’t. Coaches change lineups, players are secretly out of form due to nagging injuries or fatigue, a lucky break goes one way unexpectedly, and what was a foregone conclusion becomes a surprise result. This time, however, we absolutely know what is going to happen.

We really won’t be happy about it, one side feeds to the lowest common denominator and base human emotions in order to make a spectacle for possibly illiterate fans. Replacing any real talent for just wanting attention. Then there’s the side that represents beauty and skill but will be badly out of its element. In a just world, the beautiful and skillful side would win, but the point of this isn’t to be just, it’s to be ridiculous and give the illiterates what they want. We don’t have to like it, but we all know who is going to win on Saturday. Let’s take a look:

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Keep going, I stole this bit from Sam.

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Almost there.

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Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images

Just look at him manspreading, the fit is fine, but spreading thing is just tacky. Whatever we want to happen, Jake Paul is going to beat Ben Askren on Saturday. It’s going to happen, don’t bet against Jake. He’s a boxer, Askren does MMA, it’s not boxing, it’s very different, his striking isn’t that great, and he probably can’t use typical strategies that weaker boxers do to win matches because he’s not a boxer. Whatever Paul is, he’s been training as a boxer exclusively long enough to win against an MMA fighter. If it was MMA, Ben would win (maybe, he’s 36 years old, I turn 36 years old soon and when I try to do sports against 24 year olds it’s not good), but it’s not MMA.

Incidentally, Atlanta United plays against Orlando City on Saturday.

Photo by Joe Petro/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images