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OFFICIAL: Bobby Boswell traded to Atlanta United

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Welcome to the A, Bobby B!

MLS: Portland Timbers at D.C. United Brad Mills-USA TODAY Sports

Atlanta United made a surprising first move of the transfer window Tuesday, swapping a 3rd Round Draft Pick in the 2019 MLS SuperDraft with D.C. United for veteran center-back Bobby Boswell.

The 2006 MLS Defender of the Year provides extra depth and experience behind Michael Parkhurst and Leandro Gonzalez Pirez, Atlanta’s starting center-back pairing for all 22 MLS contests this season. Boswell could potentially be a much-needed reinforcement during a back-loaded schedule that includes seven games in 20 days starting Sept. 10.

Boswell comes to Atlanta United with 365 career appearances in MLS, making ten starts this year for D.C. United, including *trigger warning* a start against Atlanta United in a 3-1 D.C. win at Bobby Dodd Stadium.

The Florida International University alum and Tampa native overtakes Jeff Larentowicz as the team’s most experience player. Larentowicz made his 345th MLS appearance on Sunday against Sporting KC.

Boswell is 3rd in MLS history in games started with 360 and third in minutes played with 32,215. His 365 appearances tie him for fifth all-time.

The 34-year-old is set to make $260,000 this year, with his contract set to end after the season. It’s unclear how much of that salary Atlanta United will take on. Additionally, Atlanta will likely have to clear a roster spot to make room for Boswell.

Boswell began his MLS career as a discovery pickup by D.C. United in 2005, and quickly set the MLS record for own goals in a season with three (and is tied for the MLS career record with five). Even with a propensity to find his own net, Boswell took over the starting job in D.C. for good. In 2006, he led D.C to the Supporters’ Shield en route to being named an All-Star, a member of the MLS Best XI and MLS Defender of the Year.

D.C. sent the center-back to Houston after the 2007 season in exchange for a backup keeper and a second-round draft pick. He stayed in Texas until his contract expired in 2013.

Boswell returned to D.C. and experienced a resurgence, making his second MLS Best XI in 2014. He started 29 games for D.C. last season.

In addition to a wealth of experience and depth, Boswell brings with him an excitingly weird personal section on Wikipedia which led me to the following information.

Boswell once competed on the classic (I think? This was before my time and I honestly don’t know) Nickelodeon game show G.U.T.S. where he:

1. Lied about his weight to get on the show.

2. Did relatively poorly at kicking soccer balls.

3. Failed entirely at this two rope wakeboard pull challenge thing.

4. May or may not have called himself “Bobby Bosworth.”

5. Won something called the “Mega Crag.”

6. Finished in second and celebrated like he just won a Gold Medal at the Olympics after having a deeply meaningful and spiritual experience along the way.

You can see him compete and talk about his experience here:

Boswell competed in a different contest in 2006 and had slightly more success than his G.U.T.S. appearance.

Atlanta United’s new center-back Bobby Boswell beat out all the eligible men in Virginia on his way to being named Cosmopolitan Magazine’s Mr. Virginia in its 50 Most Attractive Bachelor’s competition.

You’re probably wondering how a then 23-year-old Bobby Boswell would even be considered for such a prestigious award.

Well, to enter that competition in 2006, you needed to make a video showcasing your…umm…”talents” and send it in to the folks at Cosmopolitan.

You’re probably wondering if Bobby made such a video.

(He did).

You’re probably wondering if said video is still available somewhere on the internet.

(It is.)

And you’re probably wondering if I tracked down said video.

(OF COURSE I DID AND IT’S BETTER THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE.)

“YOU ARE NOTHING. BOBBY BOSWELL IS THE GREATEST!” – Bobby Boswell

On top of that masterpiece, the internet has graced us with an accompanying blooper reel that’s nearly as fantastic as its source content.

Additionally, Wikipedia lists his cousin as “Frasier” actor Adam Blake Boswell. Further research shows that this is 100% not a thing.

For additional viewing, take in this amazingly bizarre interview from his time in Houston where he awkwardly discusses the movie PS I Love You, corndog nuggets, using superpowers to spend more time jumping off of buildings, and the crushing existential fear that he won’t live up to his full potential, all while holding his own mic and wearing a “Don’t Mess With TEXAS” t-shirt. (H/T Andrew Hathaway)

It’s a roller coaster.

On top of that, here’s him and Steve Birnbaum being weird.

There’s almost too much Bobby Boswell content on YouTube to handle and it’s all incredible. I encourage you to seek out as much as you can.

I for one, am extremely excited for the Bobby Bosworth Boswell era to begin in Atlanta.