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Atlanta United Crossbar Challenge: Breaking down the match

Kenwyne Jones and Mark Bloom vs. Andrew Carleton and Chris Goslin.

MLS: New York City FC at D.C. United Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports

I’m sooooo happy we have a crossbar challenge from Atlanta United. These things [Key and Peele voice] are. my. ****. I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I’ve spent far too much of my life watching crossbar challenge videos. Like, it’s gotten to the point where I feel like I know a good shot just from the sound of contact. Hell, I’d watch a crossbar challenge of two random dudes if it pops up as a recommended video on YouTube.

So I want to break this down. The teams are the the kids (home grown players Chris Goslin and Andrew Carleton) vs the vets (Kenwyne Jones and Mark Bloom). Let’s get right into the analysis.

0:10

Straight off the bat Carleton is calling them “old guys.” Strong. But maybe a stronger play by the Vets to stroll up late.

0:14

Hey Mark Bloom,

:22-33

I love this part — the wager. Of course the kids have to make the initial offer, and Carleton comes out with some bravado telling the vets they have to.... start practice in the middle of the rondo? Weak! That’s merely minutes of punishment, if not less. Kenwyne says, like a boss I might add, that if the vets win, the kids clean their boots for a week. [Mic drop face]

:34-:40

Goslin with the mind games, chiding Bloom for his Bengay use. Bloom looks rattled, tbh.

:40-:55

Goslin goes a solid 1-2 on his attempts.

:55-1:08

More great play by Goslin, asking Kenwyne if he has faith in his teammate as Bloom approaches the ball. A dejected Kenwyne says “no” as the ball sails over the crossbar. Bloom goes 0-2.

1:08-1:26

Carleton scores with one of his two attempts, but that’s not the story here. The story is Goslin’s commentary, who busts out a British accent for the celebration, adding insult to injury with the “well in” comment. Not sure how I feel about this, but it’s not good.

The score by Carleton was the real killer, and Kenwyne failed to hit the bar, giving the kids the win. Good win for the kids, but at bet they got their ass kicked in their next training session.